do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
