He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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