Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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