This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
