I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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