Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
