If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
