she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
