So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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