you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
