he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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