Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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