ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
