I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
