HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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