literally had 100 drinks last night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
