and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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