I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
