I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
