She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
