Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
