so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
