whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
