I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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