How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
