Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
