I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
