smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
