what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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