I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
