OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
