jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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