I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
