I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
