Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
zippers are such a cool invention
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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