I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
