Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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