The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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