oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
