shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
