if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
