Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
do nipples grow back?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
