Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
