you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
God I need to hump something, right now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
