I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
