Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
