He uses pillows to masturbate.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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