i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
