I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
