we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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