Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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