I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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